We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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