The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
