dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
