Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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