Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Randomize
