The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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