Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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