she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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