Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
