You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
