If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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