I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
