a search helicopter?!
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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