It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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