you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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