You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
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