Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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