so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
