ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
