he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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