Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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