I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
