Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
