I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
