look no pants
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
