so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
True strength comes from lack of pants
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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