is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
