i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
