i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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