Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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