I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
