I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
