Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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