my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
