Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
