I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
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