You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
