I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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