i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She's the barista slut.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
