Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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