Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
