I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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