Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
