We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
