i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
