Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
