I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
