We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
