So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
