Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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