Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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