i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
