Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
