If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
