i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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