he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
