i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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