captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
