dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
