Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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