have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
