I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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