Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
