It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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