Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
