so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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